Notepad with silver pen and mug

Things Do Get Better

Recently, I feel like I haven’t got everything figured out. I took some time to think, I don’t mean a few hours here and there, I’m talking over a month. I didn’t know what I was searching for. I felt lost and a little sad. But things have a way of turning themselves around…

It hasn’t come without struggles but I have took this time to gain a better perspective. It’s helped me put things into place – both mentally and physically. It’s been pretty hard. I’m feeling more positive now though.

I’ve been able to spend lots of mornings with Freddy who lights up my entire world. He has given me a different start to each day, reminding me that no matter what happens, him and his daddy are there, always.

In the last month, so much has happened. Our baby boy turned one, he’s been walking around, had his first hair cut and other exciting moments.

I’ve realised how easy it is to get caught up on life and lose track of what really matters, that not being how people see you. There’s much more to life. My focus is to be happy so that my son and partner can be happy too. And to talk, whenever something gets to me, knowing that they can do the same to me (Freddy when he’s older).

Things do get better and the future has so much to hold. Sometimes the unknown of what will be can be scary but it’s also exciting and gives you a new challenge.

Earlier this week I went to my grandma’s funeral, she sadly passed a few weeks ago. Before I was leaving, someone said to me, “Be happy”. Those words will stay with me. Two words that mean so much and actually made me think a lot.

Here’s to my new job which I start next month and knowing it’s never too late for new beginnings.

A Weight on my Shoulders

Around us all, there are messages out there on tv, social media, magazines etc. about the ‘perfect bikini body’ or how to ‘lose those pounds’. I never used to let these things bother me so much when I was younger but now, as a full grown woman, it gets to me.

When I was pregnant, I loved my body and my baby bump. It was one of the most magical times seeing our baby boy grow and the weeks flew by. After I gave birth though, I wondered quite a bit about how my bump would go down.

Whenever I scrolled on social media (and still now), I see adverts about losing weight. You know, ‘getting rid of that mum tum’ and all sorts. I was also privately messaged on Instagram from people with their schemes. I shown no interest at all.

Have you ever felt anything towards either of these?

  • Lose weight
  • Don’t lose weight
  • Be comfortable in your own body
  • Put some weight on

So, which one is it? Sometimes I feel confident enough to eat all of the yummy food and snacks I’d like. Of course, that’s with healthy bits in between. But then again, if we are supposed to maintain a healthy weight, how do we maintain a healthy mind too? I don’t know about you but at the minute, I feel like it’s either or. It won’t always be the case. I feel stuck at how much I weigh and I guess that’s okay. My mind though, I need to work on that… I am working on that.

Just the other day, I said to my partner, “Oh, I think my sides are back!” He smiled because he knew what I meant but he has never looked at me any differently. Isn’t it funny how we can see ourselves in a completely different way? Your own perception versus another can be the opposite. Yet, I wouldn’t see or think of how I see myself about another person? The human mind can be a baffling one to say the least.

Today, I looked in the mirror and the positive thoughts I had only a couple of days ago had changed. I seen flaws, imperfect sides, and a very stressed and drained person.

I’ve learned that I need to try and focus on the positives wherever and whenever I can. To be truly happy, I can either accept my weight and embrace it, or if it’s really bothering me, get motivated to do some more exercise.

No matter how someone else sees you, I think it’s so easy to criticise and put a downer on yourself, whether it be physically or mentally.

I’m going to try to remember that being me is what matters, not the unrealistic images we’re supposedly influenced by. Also, I get married next year and I have never felt as amazing as I did when I found ‘the dress’. So, I’m going to keep that memory in mind and I’m sure it’s going to feel like a dream come true when I’m wearing it on our special day.

Let’s Talk Social Media

Social media – something I didn’t grow up with, until the time of Bebo and MySpace. Oh wait, I had one of those Piczo sites too… wow. I wouldn’t dream of looking back at either if the access was ever granted.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I’m a marketing manager so it’s a given that social channels are involved. All I get frustrated about on a professional level though is you never know which campaign is gonna hit and which isn’t. The personal level is a whole other story…

The self comparison, the searching, the comments, tags, blah blah, I find myself digging so far into a whole that I don’t even know why I use certain channels anymore. Take Facebook for example, I’m just done with it. Suddenly, it makes me feel bored, fed up, and scrolling along for the sake of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the meme pages but I can get them on Twitter and Instagram can’t I?!

I love Instagram and Twitter – the second more than the first. Instagram can be quite damaging though. The filters, edits, true? happy lives, how to parent, how to eat healthy, how to keep fit, and so on… but I love sharing special memories and that’s why I’m on it. Oh and of course, for the golden retriever photos and videos!

For me, I find, it’s like an addiction. And that’s not to post but to check the apps even when there aren’t any notifications. Now more than ever, I understand why people come away and ‘take a break’. I really get it. You need space and less of a distraction.

A few months ago, I decided to turn the notifications off on my phone home screen for WhatsApp. I couldn’t handle them constantly popping up and feeling the need to reply there and then. Now I feel much more comfortable going into the app when I do and reply as and when I can.

How do you feel towards social media?

The Psychological Side of Hypothyroidism

My hypothyroidism diagnosis is pretty new but it has lingered for many years. I was always one of the ‘borderline’ people following blood results. That changed a couple of months ago when they went dangerously high. It’s better now that I have the right dose of medication but it doesn’t end there. I have hypothyroidism and I’ll continue to take levothyroxine for the rest of my life – that’s where I’m lucky because it was found.

I wasn’t sad when I was diagnosed, I was kinda relived because it meant I had an answer or at least I hope I still do. So much has gone with my body over the years related to high blood pressure, bowel problems, dry skin developing to psoriasis (the worst of it in my ears), and more. The side I never thought about and knew too much was how it can affect your way of thinking.

For too long now, I’ve been a worrier and the over-thinker. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t worry about at least one thing a day. And it’s all sorts – how I look, anticipation around new challenges, meeting people, putting social events off, the list goes on…

I’ve always told myself, it’s just me, it’s who I am. But why? Maybe hypothyroidism has a lot more to answer for than I initially thought. I don’t think it helped that this came to light in the midst of postpartum life and becoming a new mum for the first time. Hormones are crazy enough, right?!

I’ve isolated myself many times – away from people, situations, getting dressed, not getting a bath or shower etc. I can guarantee people look from the outside and say I have no reason to be down. I don’t always have the reasons. A wave can come over me, it’s like a grey cloud that suddenly starts to rain without warning.

I know what I have – a beautiful family, including a gorgeous, loving fiancé and the son we’ve always dreamed of. I am at my happiest being a mum. Hypothyroidism doesn’t take that away from me. Anxiety, low mood, low self esteem, you name it. My therapist has used all of these to describe what I’m going through. I’m finally on a different way of thinking and won’t allow that side of me tell others who I am. I don’t want to be looked at in a certain way or for people to feel sorry for me. I just want them to listen and try to understand.

If you know someone who has any kind of thyroid disease, it’s more than you think. There are so many symptoms and the way it affects your mind is just one of them. Be kind and think before you say something. We’re all human and some of us are more sensitive than you think.