Silver, red, and purple balloons

Almost One Year of Being a Mum

My baby boy will be one year old in over a couple of weeks. Wait, how, what, when? Yep, he’ll officially be a toddler and I’ll be wondering where the last year went.

I never knew how much stronger I could be until I gave birth to Freddy. The light in my life, the littlest person with the biggest smile, he is our (mine and Danny’s) everything. I’ll be honest, sometimes, I’ve woken up and wondered if I have the strength to deal with whatever the day will bring. But no matter what, I’m reminded that I am a mummy and I can do this.

Motherhood brings a whole lot of changes. For me, it’s changed how I think massively. Being a parent has shown me what’s important and what really matters when I have a bad day. There’s always a tomorrow and for each one that comes to see our baby boy grow, is something I’ll forever be thankful for.

The cries, tantrums, neediness, and seeing your baby unwell is hard, it’s tough. You feel hopeless because all you want to do is make everything better but I’ve learned that sometimes, just a cuddle and soothing Freddy with our voice is all he needs.

I’ve challenged myself mentally since becoming a mum for the first time. I wonder if I’m doing things ‘right’, especially in front of people. It has made me feel a little nervous at times, you know? Then I stop to think, I’m our baby’s mummy and we, as a family, know what he needs.

I’ve noticed that it’s harder to judge someone since becoming a mum. Sometimes, it comes no naturally to us, that you can do it without realising. It doesn’t even mean you’re not a nice person but I’d be lying if I said I’ve never done it before. I just feel as if I am more considerate of what someone might be going through, no matter how their life seems on the outside. And that counts for whether their child cries in public, isn’t acting their usual, or whatever. You also realise that not everyone has had a great night’s sleep.

I remember not knowing how to feel about the judgements of formula feeding versus breastfed babies. Let me tell you something, our baby had his 10-12 months check last week and the health visitor said, “He’s doing absolutely fantastic. I’ve heard words, I see he loves moving around and he is a very happy baby.” Day made.

Another huge thing – the role of parents as a mum and dad. I get it, mummy has a hard day but why isn’t there a lot of credit out there for daddies too? Everyone’s parenting experience is different, including when it’s for the first time. But I’ll be 100% honest, I couldn’t have imagined having a more loving and supportive man by my side, my Danny. It’s 50/50. I wouldn’t be the mum I am without Danny. Our son, Freddy, is a part of the both of us (even if he’s the double of his daddy). It’s our aim in life to give him our all. And when the tiredness hits, we know the other is there to help.

I’ve had days where I’ve felt alone but I know there’s other mums out there who will relate to this. I know some things are hard to explain. And through it all, it’s the most magical time of my life. In just over a couple of weeks, the baby I gave birth to, our handsome baby boy, will turn one year old. A whole year and more in our lives (including pregnancy).

Believe people when they say, “It goes so fast.”

hearts in the sky

What Does 4th July Mean to me?

4th July – I like to think it’s where it all began. The date marks a special memory for Danny and I and it doesn’t have anything to do with America celebrating Independence Day! On 4th July 2010, we met with a couple of friends to say goodbye to our primary school before it was being knocked down. Not for one minute did I imagine that day would play a part in where we are today.

Most days our version of saying “Hi” was smiling at one another when we bumped into each other or passed in the college corridors. I even remember going into reception as I was about 5 minutes away from my Spanish lesson beginning. I didn’t like how I looked that day but he still turned my way and smiled. Then there was there was a day I was sat outside an exam room waiting for my speaking exam like a nervous wreck… again for Spanish!

I look back and wish I had more confidence to bring more conversation in person. We always had a laugh and spoke to each other through texts. I didn’t see back then what I do now. Everyone asked if there was anything between us and I would say, “Noooo, we just love having each other to talk to.” How wrong was I?!

We were out of touch for a year or so. Little did I know, things were about to change. The friendship was always there. We went on so many nights out together with friends. I lost count of the times we would spent chatting away on the curb outside whilst everyone else carried on the drunken antics waiting for food or a taxi home. The conversations were about absolutely anything – it was just so easy. We had come a long way from the silence in the corridors! At this point, I knew there was a connection, something that got stronger as the weeks went by. And the weeks turned into months.

What happened next? We were speaking most days or every day now. Danny gave me my first “Happy Valentine’s Day” message. He carried me over the puddles in the rain on Boxing Day 2012 (remembering key dates again). We would always dance together. The smiles were meaning more every time we looked at each other. Danny always made sure I got home safe – he even waited outside a club for me once. There wasn’t a time where he didn’t look out for me. Whenever I entered the same room, he would come and give me a hug. So, most people would think we were together now. And when I look back at photos, I think, “Wow, Danny didn’t half stick around!”

We finally had a realisation, it was probably mostly me to blame for taking so long. One night in the midst of everyone having fun and enjoying themselves, we took a moment to ourselves.

After several attempts of figuring out and asking if I would be his girlfriend, I finally took some faith in the friendship we had. I was always terrified if anything went wrong and would ruin in. What a fool, Tasha! Every day since has helped to building a new level closeness, my best friend, and the man I fall in love with every day.

Up until a few years ago, I said said my greatest fear was losing Danny. I don’t even picture that anymore. We dance in the living room, in the kitchen, wherever we feel like it, in the house we are happy to call our home. Those hugs from day one meant so much and now I get them every day. You might have read in earlier posts from December and January that Danny proposed – I am going to be his wife! I’m laughing as I type tis post because we always said if we were alone at 40, we would come back to each other. Turns out, we were never going to wait that long. Of course, there’s more love in the air because we are going to be parents. 4th July this year marks 5 weeks until our first baby’s due date. He clearly knows I am talking about him because he is wriggling around inside me right now.

The reason for sharing this post is to show that trusting your feelings and letting go of “what ifs” can make a whole lot of difference in life. Danny and I can look back and see everything we have built together even through the many things that have hit us. Whether it be difficult days or exciting days, he will always be the one I turn to. There’s no one than knows me better than Danny. The most romantic, kind-hearted, handsome man I am lucky to call mine.

Here’s to the next chapter and falling in love all over again when we meet our baby boy and get the wedding planning started.

blue booties on woman's belly

Things I’ll miss about pregnancy

[Photo from Pixabay]

Ever since the third trimester began, I started to realise the whole pregnancy journey goes so fast, even the parts you thought were dragging. Almost 7 weeks to go now until my due date. Quite a few friends and family members think he will here sooner. We can’t wait!

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about all of the things I’ll miss about pregnancy. The days have suddenly arrived where my ankles disappear, I might throw up, or I just want to go to sleep. These things are more than worth it when I know I’m bringing a new little life into the world, even more exciting that it’s our first.

Watching my bump grow…

…soon be a baby to hold in my arms. I can’t wait to look into those eyes of his for the first time. I have a photo on my phone capturing the first time I thought I had a ‘bump’ like appearance. Wow, wow, wow! The difference now is just incredible. There’s an actual baby boy inside me and it shows.

Feeling bump move…

The bump that will soon be a little baby boy wriggling around in the real world, in our home. I remember the first time I felt the tiniest of flutters, I got all giddy and excited. Then when the real kicks, movements, and tumbles arrived it’s been what feels like the most thrilling rollercoaster – literally.

Having an excuse to eat whatever whenever

Maybe that’s a little lie because let’s be honest, I’ll still eat all of the goodies I want to. That aside, I doubt I’ll be eating dry crackers at any hour of the day to help but sickness at bay. Twice now I have bought a cheesecake knowing I am the only person in the house who will eat it… what a chunk.

There’s much more to come…

Danny and I have such a special bond with baby bump already. Ever since he has been snuggled up inside me we have listened to music, danced together, had little conversations with him, rubbed my stomach when he moves etc. We can only image the unconditional love we will have from the minute he is born. No doubt I’ll be teary eyed with the biggest smile on my face for a long while. I understand there will be sleepless nights, challenging days, and maybe times where I don’t know how to keep it together… but it will be our kind of perfect because our first baby is going to light up our lives like nothing or no one ever has before.

baby boy star shaped balloon

We Are Having a Baby Boy!

About a month after we discovered I was pregnant, there were many questions on our minds, one being “I wonder if we are having a boy or girl?” For us, the most important thing is that our baby is healthy and developing well but it’s exciting to think about whether you are bringing a baby boy or girl into the world.

Before the 20 week scan

Leading up to the 20 week anatomy scan, I just wanted to be sure everything was okay. I have worried about a couple of things along the way but I am only human. I guess those mum feelings kick in right away eh? Each week I learn about how our baby is developing and what’s new. From around the moment their heart starts to beat to having tiny fingers, toes and nails, to growing their vital organs and being able to recognise their gender on a scan.

The day of the 20 week scan

The day had finally arrived! As excited as I felt to see our baby, I’ll admit I was little nervous. “What if the sonographer picks something up? Have I been doing everything I can to make sure they are as healthy as possible?

Our appointment was early in the morning at 8am so we didn’t have to wait around wondering for part of the day. We entered the room, I lay on the bed and the sonographer put some gel on my stomach to start the ultrasound. She gave us a quick glimpse of baby, said she will do all of the checks then come back to show us baby again at the end in more detail.

I was asked to lie on my left side because baby was in a funny position and then asked to lie on my right side. The silence killed me wondering what was going on. A couple of tears strolled down my eyes. Moments later the sonographer turned the screen to us and there were no concerns.

I smiled and heart began to relax. Oh my, their little hands, arms, legs, heart beating strong, even their eye sockets! I fell in love all over again. Danny squeezed my hand then he started to tear up. Everything’s okay. In fact, it’s amazing. Our little dream come true is growing well and everything looks healthy. And guess what? We are having a BABY BOY! A big brother to our second child in the future (we hope). He was looking right at us and gave us a wave.

Were any of the gender myths true?

Quite a few people asked me if I had signs or feelings along the way that it’s a boy or girl. The truth is, no. This is my first pregnancy so I have nothing to compare it to. And it turns out all of the baby gender myths weren’t true for me. I have become a chocoholic, haven’t had any real cravings, typical morning sickness in the first trimester etc. One thing I didn’t have before I was pregnant is indigestion and that sure loves to kick in every now and again, especially at the night time.

Boy or girl, we always knew our baby would we loved so much even before they are born. We are imagining so many special moments in the future. 

We are having a son who will be a page boy when we get married! I am imagining the cuteness already. There are so many magical moments happening for us and there isn’t anyone else I would want to experience them all with but Danny. We’ve got this!

Here’s to seeing you again, our beautiful baby boy.