Notepad with silver pen and mug

Things Do Get Better

Recently, I feel like I haven’t got everything figured out. I took some time to think, I don’t mean a few hours here and there, I’m talking over a month. I didn’t know what I was searching for. I felt lost and a little sad. But things have a way of turning themselves around…

It hasn’t come without struggles but I have took this time to gain a better perspective. It’s helped me put things into place – both mentally and physically. It’s been pretty hard. I’m feeling more positive now though.

I’ve been able to spend lots of mornings with Freddy who lights up my entire world. He has given me a different start to each day, reminding me that no matter what happens, him and his daddy are there, always.

In the last month, so much has happened. Our baby boy turned one, he’s been walking around, had his first hair cut and other exciting moments.

I’ve realised how easy it is to get caught up on life and lose track of what really matters, that not being how people see you. There’s much more to life. My focus is to be happy so that my son and partner can be happy too. And to talk, whenever something gets to me, knowing that they can do the same to me (Freddy when he’s older).

Things do get better and the future has so much to hold. Sometimes the unknown of what will be can be scary but it’s also exciting and gives you a new challenge.

Earlier this week I went to my grandma’s funeral, she sadly passed a few weeks ago. Before I was leaving, someone said to me, “Be happy”. Those words will stay with me. Two words that mean so much and actually made me think a lot.

Here’s to my new job which I start next month and knowing it’s never too late for new beginnings.

hearts in the sky

What Does 4th July Mean to me?

4th July – I like to think it’s where it all began. The date marks a special memory for Danny and I and it doesn’t have anything to do with America celebrating Independence Day! On 4th July 2010, we met with a couple of friends to say goodbye to our primary school before it was being knocked down. Not for one minute did I imagine that day would play a part in where we are today.

Most days our version of saying “Hi” was smiling at one another when we bumped into each other or passed in the college corridors. I even remember going into reception as I was about 5 minutes away from my Spanish lesson beginning. I didn’t like how I looked that day but he still turned my way and smiled. Then there was there was a day I was sat outside an exam room waiting for my speaking exam like a nervous wreck… again for Spanish!

I look back and wish I had more confidence to bring more conversation in person. We always had a laugh and spoke to each other through texts. I didn’t see back then what I do now. Everyone asked if there was anything between us and I would say, “Noooo, we just love having each other to talk to.” How wrong was I?!

We were out of touch for a year or so. Little did I know, things were about to change. The friendship was always there. We went on so many nights out together with friends. I lost count of the times we would spent chatting away on the curb outside whilst everyone else carried on the drunken antics waiting for food or a taxi home. The conversations were about absolutely anything – it was just so easy. We had come a long way from the silence in the corridors! At this point, I knew there was a connection, something that got stronger as the weeks went by. And the weeks turned into months.

What happened next? We were speaking most days or every day now. Danny gave me my first “Happy Valentine’s Day” message. He carried me over the puddles in the rain on Boxing Day 2012 (remembering key dates again). We would always dance together. The smiles were meaning more every time we looked at each other. Danny always made sure I got home safe – he even waited outside a club for me once. There wasn’t a time where he didn’t look out for me. Whenever I entered the same room, he would come and give me a hug. So, most people would think we were together now. And when I look back at photos, I think, “Wow, Danny didn’t half stick around!”

We finally had a realisation, it was probably mostly me to blame for taking so long. One night in the midst of everyone having fun and enjoying themselves, we took a moment to ourselves.

After several attempts of figuring out and asking if I would be his girlfriend, I finally took some faith in the friendship we had. I was always terrified if anything went wrong and would ruin in. What a fool, Tasha! Every day since has helped to building a new level closeness, my best friend, and the man I fall in love with every day.

Up until a few years ago, I said said my greatest fear was losing Danny. I don’t even picture that anymore. We dance in the living room, in the kitchen, wherever we feel like it, in the house we are happy to call our home. Those hugs from day one meant so much and now I get them every day. You might have read in earlier posts from December and January that Danny proposed – I am going to be his wife! I’m laughing as I type tis post because we always said if we were alone at 40, we would come back to each other. Turns out, we were never going to wait that long. Of course, there’s more love in the air because we are going to be parents. 4th July this year marks 5 weeks until our first baby’s due date. He clearly knows I am talking about him because he is wriggling around inside me right now.

The reason for sharing this post is to show that trusting your feelings and letting go of “what ifs” can make a whole lot of difference in life. Danny and I can look back and see everything we have built together even through the many things that have hit us. Whether it be difficult days or exciting days, he will always be the one I turn to. There’s no one than knows me better than Danny. The most romantic, kind-hearted, handsome man I am lucky to call mine.

Here’s to the next chapter and falling in love all over again when we meet our baby boy and get the wedding planning started.

hearts on pegs line

My Love for You will Never End

When I refer to you in this post, I’m referring to Danny. 

I’ve asked the question before, “What would I do without you?” There are many things happening at the moment which send me back to asking the same question. Our lives are about to change in a big way and my body is going through changes that I haven’t experienced before. However, one thing remains, Danny is there throughout it all.

You’re always there for me no matter what

I’m a happy person but some days just like many people, I start to feel down. Sometimes I can’t even explain why. I suppose it’s normal but Danny doesn’t consider it an option. He thinks I always deserve to be happy. So, he does everything in his power to make that happen. Whether it be a hug, a smile, lying down with me holding me close, running me a bath etc. The list goes on and I am so grateful for all the gestures he gives and the time he devotes to me. No matter how his day has been, he makes us his priority.

We move forward together 

Danny and I believe in sharing, opening up to one another, and experiencing life together, that includes the good and the hard times. We fight for what we believe is for us, we save together, we do things our way, and most of all, we aspire for bigger things but believe in order to reach those goals, it’s important to work hard and be committed. And as for our relationship, being committed to each other will always be the case. I support Danny and he supports me. Without it, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

You help to make our dreams come true

A stronger love each day, the best memory lane to wander back to, a house of our own to make our home, our son or daughter to enter the world and I’m your wife to be. We always look for the best in situations. Many times we have said, “This is the best”. When the actual truth is, it’s amazing for that time and place but it only gets better. I’m always amazed by you. The patient, loving, and understanding nature you have is a kind that could never be traded. Thank you for being you and for helping to build the life we have always wanted. As for the dream trip to New York together, we will get there on our honeymoon eh?

So, what would I do without you?

That’s a question I can’t answer fully because imagining life without you isn’t something I can picture. You are there in everything I do. Behind every smile and all the little things I do, it’s you. You join in with my silly random ways, or just sit and smile and call me your weirdo. There is nothing I want more in this world than to have you and to build a family of our own.

Danny always says his world would crumble without me. The fact we feel so strongly about that shows me that nothing we have should be taken for granted. Let’s keep building our lives together. 

And On Our 8th Christmas, We Got Engaged!

In the midst of this Covid era, it’s nice to have the people you love close to you and it’s important to have things to look forward to. For what has a whirlwind of a year, 2020 has been somewhat different for us. We have enjoyed every minute of the extra time spent together. Mine and Danny’s love for each other has grown stronger than ever in a way I never could have imagined. Every day he brings more light into my life. And to my surprise, this light was only just beginning to shine.

On Christmas Day this year, things were certainly very special. Danny always brings experiences into my life which are magical but this one was different on our 8th Christmas together.

We went downstairs to open our presents. It was a quiet Christmas morning until the moment where I screamed as I opened a new pair of Stitch pyjamas. We had breakfast together, then get showered and got dressed.

Danny shouted up to me to tell me he forgot, there was another present downstairs for me. He said it was on the Christmas tree so he finally got me to go downstairs and over to the tree. I wondered, “What am I looking for?” so I turned to Danny quickly not knowing what I’m supposed to do with this bauble! He told me to look at it again, closer. Then I seen it. My heart started to beat faster and I slowly turned around to look at Danny, down on one knee! Glistening right at me was the most beautiful engagement ring. Our song was playing in the background and the candles were lit.

I see other people post about engagements and imagine what the feeling must be like. Then I stopped to think, “Wait, it’s happening to me.” as our memories of friendship over the years, and falling in love came flooding in. I smiled and cried some more. The moment in time froze and felt it like the world was ours. From two kids in primary school, to smiling as we passed each other in the college corridors, to being lifted in the air over puddles in the rain, to lots of adventures, to THIS.

By this point, I couldn’t take my eyes off Danny. He said some heartfelt words for a few minutes and before I knew it, he asked the question, “Will you marry me?”

“YES! YESSS!” I said very emotionally. We kissed and hugged each other so tightly. I couldn’t believe my eyes and the whole feeling. I never thought my heart could be any fuller.

Holding hands with my engagement ring on

Danny spoke to me all about how this had been planned for a very long time. His original plan was to propose to me in New York but Covid got in the way of that. Regardless, it couldn’t have been any more amazing than it was. Just me and him, in our own home, together. The moment was an absolute dream and I keep having to remind myself that it’s all very real.

I really do believe that we feel a kind of love that’s only for us to share. I remember being 19 years old when Danny asked me if I would ever marry him one day. Apparently he has known since then. Ahhh! The most wonderful man in my life, my best friend, has asked me to marry him! I cannot wait for the rest of our lives together.

My engagement ring has been sent to the workshop to be resized and won’t return for a few weeks but that’s okay because we have a lifetime together. I couldn’t ask for a more kind-hearted, generous, and handsome man to have by my side for the rest of my life. Here’s to nothing but positivity for 2021 and all of our years to come.