My hypothyroidism diagnosis is pretty new but it has lingered for many years. I was always one of the ‘borderline’ people following blood results. That changed a couple of months ago when they went dangerously high. It’s better now that I have the right dose of medication but it doesn’t end there. I have hypothyroidism and I’ll continue to take levothyroxine for the rest of my life – that’s where I’m lucky because it was found.
I wasn’t sad when I was diagnosed, I was kinda relived because it meant I had an answer or at least I hope I still do. So much has gone with my body over the years related to high blood pressure, bowel problems, dry skin developing to psoriasis (the worst of it in my ears), and more. The side I never thought about and knew too much was how it can affect your way of thinking.
For too long now, I’ve been a worrier and the over-thinker. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t worry about at least one thing a day. And it’s all sorts – how I look, anticipation around new challenges, meeting people, putting social events off, the list goes on…
I’ve always told myself, it’s just me, it’s who I am. But why? Maybe hypothyroidism has a lot more to answer for than I initially thought. I don’t think it helped that this came to light in the midst of postpartum life and becoming a new mum for the first time. Hormones are crazy enough, right?!
I’ve isolated myself many times – away from people, situations, getting dressed, not getting a bath or shower etc. I can guarantee people look from the outside and say I have no reason to be down. I don’t always have the reasons. A wave can come over me, it’s like a grey cloud that suddenly starts to rain without warning.
I know what I have – a beautiful family, including a gorgeous, loving fiancé and the son we’ve always dreamed of. I am at my happiest being a mum. Hypothyroidism doesn’t take that away from me. Anxiety, low mood, low self esteem, you name it. My therapist has used all of these to describe what I’m going through. I’m finally on a different way of thinking and won’t allow that side of me tell others who I am. I don’t want to be looked at in a certain way or for people to feel sorry for me. I just want them to listen and try to understand.
If you know someone who has any kind of thyroid disease, it’s more than you think. There are so many symptoms and the way it affects your mind is just one of them. Be kind and think before you say something. We’re all human and some of us are more sensitive than you think.